


y'all are jerks but you're still cute

by jonathanmurphy



Category: The 100
Genre: F/F, Group chat, Jokes, M/M, gays in luv, much fluff, puns, slight angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2018-11-15 21:14:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11239353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonathanmurphy/pseuds/jonathanmurphy
Summary: SET 2 YEARS AFTER YOU'RE MY WORST (BEST) FRIENDS





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> dad - bellamy  
> mom - murphy  
> clexa is gay - lexa  
> monty ♥ - monty (duh)  
> jaspeen - jasper  
> she's mine - raven  
> i'm hers - emori  
> linc - lincoln  
> octagon - octavia  
> suck my dick bryan - nathan  
> queen bitch - clarke

_**dad added jaspeen, monty ♥, queen bitch, she's mine, linc, octagon, clexa is gay, i'm hers, mom, and suck my dick bryan to bitch what the fuck its been 2 years answer me** _

 

dad: guys what the fuck i miss u

 

dad: even murphy wont answer

 

mom: IM IN CLASS U FUCK

 

suck my dick bryan: guys what

 

suck my dick bryan: also bell we're roommates u've seen me everyday for the last 2 years

 

monty ♥: i've been busy

 

jaspeen: yeah ignoring me and everyone else

 

monty ♥: IM NOT IGNORING YOU I HAVE A JOB JASPER

 

jaspeen: yeah ok idc ur not my problem

 

she's mine: bitch wtf happened

 

monty ♥: we broke up

 

i'm hers: Y'ALL WERE SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED WTF HAPPENED

 

i'm hers: RAVEN COME HOLD ME I'M CRYING

 

she's mine: i'm coming babe

 

clexa is gay: 1) remori is adorable 2) bOI IMMA CRY JONTY WAS MY #1 SHIP

 

queen bitch: y'all are making lexa cry

 

monty ♥: bitch i cried too

 

jaspeen: sure u did :))

 

dad: i'm so confused some1 explain

 

jaspeen: is it fine if i tell them

 

monty ♥: yeah its good

 

jaspeen: so about 3 months ago i went to visit monty as a surprise and u know how shitty long distance is right, yeah he knew it worst of all :))

 

monty ♥: i, um,,, i cheated on him,,,

 

mom: U LITTLE BITCH ONLY I GET TO HURT JASPER

 

mom: i'm kidding ily still but that was bad

 

jaspeen: its fine really i'm not that mad, a little disappointed but still, its whatever

 

jaspeen: anyway i gtg tell linc and o i love them

 

_**jaspeen left bitch what the fuck its been 2 years answer me** _

 

dad: son no come back


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY IM SO SLOW I HAVE LIKE NO WIFI AND IM TRYING TO START ON THE NEW MURPHAMY/JONTY FIC BUT I LOST ALL 20,000+ WORDS AND THOSE WERE THE FIRST TWO CHAPTERS SO IM REALLY MAD AND REWRITING IT ALL ANYWAY HAVE A REAL UPDATE I LOVE YOU ALL

_**mom to dad** _

 

mom: i gOT YOUR FUCKING PACKAGE IM CRYING BABE

 

dad: so is it a yes?

 

mom: YESYESYES THIS ISNSO CUTE IM SOBBINGG

 

dad: you have no idea how fucking happy this makes me, i love you so much. you're my one and only <33

 

mom: i love you so much bell, you're the best thing to ever happen to me <3

 

dad: can i tell the others??

 

mom: OH MY GOD YES IM SO HAPPY

 

_**dad added jaspeen to _ **bitch what the fuck its been 2 years answer me**_** _

 

jaspeen: what the fuck

 

dad: jasper you have to be here for this ok

 

dad: is everyone here

 

monty ♥: yee

 

clexa is gay: ^

 

i'm hers: yep

 

she's mine: also present

 

linc: ocativa and i are here she's just lazy

 

suck my dick bryan: im also here

 

queen bitch: so am i

 

mom: bABE TELL THEM TELL THEM

 

dad: im going calm ur tits

 

mom: no fuck u

 

dad: maybe later ;))

 

queen bitch: 1) ew 2) what r u gonna tell us ????????

 

dad: john and i are engaged

 

octagon: BITCH IM READY IM PLANNING THE WEDDING

 

queen bitch: CAN I HELP THAT'S MY BABY BROTHER

 

octagon: YEAH BITCH LETS DO THISS

 

linc: congrats you two

 

i'm hers: raven is crying and yelling about her gays im laughinggg

 

monty ♥: congrats !!! im so happy for you two !!!!

 

jaspeen: can i be maid of honour?? i wanna wear a dress

 

mom: yes but it's gotta be dark purple

 

jaspeen: im down

 

dad: aRE WE GETTING MATCHING PURPLE TUXES BC IT'LL BR CUTE

 

mom: OMG YES

 

octagon: im cryin this is fuckin gay


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SHORT SORRY

_**monty ♥ to jaspeen** _

 

monty ♥: i know you hate me and you have so many reasons to but i want you to know i love you, you're my best friend even if i'm your worst

 

jaspeen: i don't hate you, i'm disappointed though

 

jaspeen: why wasn't i enough?? i really hoped i was but i wasn't and you didn't tell me

 

monty ♥: you were enough, you were more than enough, you always were

 

jaspeen: then fuCKINH WHY??? WHY DID YOU RUIN ME?? WHY?? FUCKING WHY

 

monty ♥: BECAUSE IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU

 

monty ♥: YOU DESERVE THE ENTIRE WORLD AND I CANT GIVE YOU THAT. IM JUST THE SON OF A PHARMACIST AND YOURE THIS BEAUTIFUL, BRILLIANT, JUST PURELY AMAZING PERSON WHO DESERVES TO LIVE WITHOUT WORRY AND WITH ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD. BECAUSE IF I LET YOU GO NOW THEN YOU CAN GET WHAT DESERVE OK

 

jaspeen: YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH WHAT THE FUCK MONTY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY I WAS GONE AND IM SORRY I DONT REMEMBER HOW THIS STORY WAS GONNA GO SO I GOTTA MAKE IT UP


	4. Chapter 4

_**dad to monty ♥** _

 

dad: yo monty jasper wanted me to talk to you whats up

 

monty ♥: he asked me why i cheated on him

 

dad: why did you? if you don't mind me asking

 

monty ♥: i didn't even try cheating, she just came onto me and jasper saw it and now he hates me

 

dad: ok explain everything that happened bc i know jasper's view on this

 

monty ♥: jasper and i got invited to a campus party and jasp went with roma to get more beer while harper and i stayed to make sure nobody died or started a fight bc you know we're Responsible Adults. well harper took a couple shots and she's kinda lightweight so she got really tipsy and she started flirting w everyone but you know i made sure she wasn't gonna get hurt or anything and she stumbled and got really close to me and she started trying to kiss me and i told her no but she still did and jasper saw her kiss me when i tried pushing her away and got pissed. i didn't deny cheating bc i figured he could find someone better for him anyway

 

dad: why would you do that? you know how much he loved you

 

monty ♥: because i'll never amount to anything, i'm just the kid of a drug addict and a pharmacist who feeds that addiction, i'm just the poor jerk from polis, bell, that's all i'll ever be. and jasper, he's gonna be someone even more amazing than he is now, he's gonna do something wonderful with his life, he's gonna make the people he loves happy.

 

dad: monty, you made him happy, the way he looked at you was one you could only find in fairy tales.

 

monty ♥: i doubt it but still, it'll never happen again, he doesn't love me anymore

 

dad: monkey, i hope you know he's been reading over my shoulder the entire time

 

monty ♥: what the hell

 

_**jaspeen to monty ♥** _

 

jaspeen: is all that true???

 

monty ♥: i just wanted what was best for you jasper

 

jaspeen: cant you see that you were what was best for me?

 

monty ♥: you cant think that, i was never good for you

 

jaspeen: but you got me out of my relationship with /him/ you literally saved my life monty and you've always been my best friend i love you

 

jaspeen: i've always loved you monty

 

monty ♥: i love you too but i cant do this, its too hard for me, because you deserve everything, i'm so so sorry


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is basically a filler sorry

_**dad added homewrecker to **bitch what the fuck its been 2 years answer me**** _

 

homewrecker: what the fuck bellamy

 

dad: suck my dick mbege you need to be present

 

mom: MBEGE YOURE ALIVE WHAT THE FUCK

 

homewrecker: oh yeah hi john

 

mom: dude why didn't you answer any of my calls

 

homewrecker: idk effort

 

mom: well answer me this

 

mom: why is your name homewrecker

 

homewrecker: marina and the diamonds

 

mom: ok me2

 

mom: also would you like to be my best man

 

queen bitch: say yes bc i found u the perfect tux

 

mom: really clarke

 

homewrecker: UM YES BITCH

 

mom: fuck yeah

 

homewrecker: i honestly didn't think you'd choose me bc clarke would look hot in a tux

 

mom: youre my best friend ????? of course i'd pick you ????????

 

dad: ha gay

 

mom: YOU LITERALLY ASKED ME TO MARRY YOU BELLAMY WHAT THE FUCK

 

dad: YOU SAID YES SO

 

queen bitch: guys stop fighting and have makeup sex already

 

mom: chokes

 

mom: haha funny bye

 

queen bitch: YOU TWO NEVER DID IT DID YOU

 

dad: no but that's bc we always got interrupted by someone

 

queen bitch: youre welcome :DD


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i decided to write again bc i need to get my mind off shit and idk this works

mom: hey jasper remember sophomore year when you dated that douche who tried to get me put in the hospital bc i called you a fag

 

jaspeen: um?? yeah??

 

mom: apparently he's in jail for grand larceny now

 

jaspeen: oh shit

 

octagon: GO BACK WHAT HAPPENED IN SOPHOMORE YEAR

 

jaspeen: oh shit so i was dating this guy atom, he was a grade above me, and he got in trouble a lot for starting fights. and murphy always called me a fag as a joke, but he got uber pissed and started beating him up and broke like 3 of murphys ribs

 

dad: wow my ex best friend beat up my fiance

 

mom: yeah well he's in jail and i'm engaged so he wins in the end

 

octagon: wait?? atom was a junior when you dated right??

 

jaspeen: yeah we got together in january and dated until like march

 

octagon: i'm actually gonna murder him

 

octagon: i dated him all of february his junior year

 

dad: YOU WHAT

 

dad: I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM

 

octagon: and when do i listen to you

 

jaspeen: monty's the one who actually got me out of that toxic ass relationship

 

monty ♥: you didn't deserve to be treated like shit

 

dad: wtf monkey im so proud of u

 

i'm hers: why do you call my son monkey

 

she's mine: like its cute but that's our kid

 

dad: bc hes a monkey u fuckin shoe

 

monty ♥: hes been calling me it for almost 15 years don't try stopping him now

 

mom: fuckin nerds


	7. Chapter 7

jaspeen: NANTS INGONYAMA BAGITHI BABA

 

monty ♥: jasper no

 

mom: i'm unadopting you jasper

 

jaspeen: mom no

 

dad: siTHI UHHMM INGONYAMA

 

mom: we're not getting married now

 

dad: no i love u

 

mom: sure u do binch

 

dad: i do wtf

 

mom: fuckin liar

 

queen bitch: how about the weather huh

 

mom: clarke wtf

 

queen bitch: let me live u fuck

 

jaspeen: clarke whos ur fav super hero

 

queen bitch: raven reyes

 

she's mine: damn right binch

 

jaspeen: damn

 

jaspeen: WHATEVER

 

_**jaspeen changed queen bitch to clarke kent** _

 

clarke kent: thanks

 

jaspeen: love u boo


	8. Chapter 8

clarke kent: not to be hetero but i would let bellamy snap my neck

 

jaspeen: same binch

 

dad: what

 

dad: the

 

dad: fuck

 

mom: hey remember that time i tried to break jaspers neck

 

jaspeen: you should've gone thru w it mommy

 

mom: ;))

 

dad: actually die

 

mom: babe no

 

clarke kent: ok but imagine if i'd never come out?? my life would be so different??

 

mom: well yeah u'd be a Fake Binch

 

clarke kent: thanks john

 

mom: love u <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED IN SO FUCKIN LONG I GOT SO BUSY W LIFE AND IVE BEEN GOING THRU SHIT AND IM REALLY TIRED A LOT LATELY SORRY HERES A SHORT CHAPTER TO MAKE UP FOR ME DISAPPEARING (i'll write a couple longer ones on 10/13-10/15 when i'm not busy)


End file.
